Monday, August 31, 2009

De-caffeinated. Part 2.

I have passed through the valley, children, and come out on the other side. Here I sit, my hands as steady as they'll ever be wondering what cosmic impact my mortal sacrifice will have on humanity at large.

Don't scoff! The butterfly effect could be worming its way across the globe as I write.

Imagine, if you will: a woman gives up caffeine and begins sleeping well, her creative process ignites!
She sits down to her computer with vim, vigor, and a killer concept and because she has newly found drive and focus, she writes her magnum opus. The work is published and revered by all and sundry, the ideas contained in the book are inspiring to so many that there is a modern renaissance of words and ideas that touch every aspect of humanity.

That or else she's so tired from lack of caffeine, she sits on the couch and watches The Price is Right.

But either way, watch out for the butterfly effect.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Three days with no caffeine. My hands don't really feel like my own, especially the left one. It types a lot slower than the right one, too. There's a lingering headache, and I've got the chills.

I'd jump immediately to the conclusion that I had swine flu if I hadn't been through caffeine withdrawal before. Tonight things are going to get really really bad, but tomorrow will be worse. The last time I got totally decaffeinated, I paced my tiny kitchen for about six straight hours.

So why on earth am I giving up caffeine? Well, cuz I don't sleep well and I'm tired and weird all the time because of it. And I find myself more and more anxious and annoyed.
In fact, I'm pretty darn annoyed right now.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

So much to Ditch about, so little energy.

How bout a list?

Cherry slush on the gaming controllers (wii, game cube, N64)
Yucky bathroom
At least two trash bags worth of garbage on my kids' floors

I'm annoying myself, so lets have a topic switch.

For no apparent reason, one of the teachers at my boys' school annoys the snot out of me. I can't walk past her with out thinking she's an old bag. I have never EVER felt this way about a teacher. I loved school. I actively miss it. When I buy my kids school supplies I wish they were mine. Okay, so I buy extras for myself, but who doesn't love a new pack of Crayolas?

In other news, the cable guy is coming on Friday to switch me over to digital cable and cable internet and that cable phone business. Which means I must clean the bathroom and the cherry slush residue.

But maybe I'll just shut the doors of the kids' rooms.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fashion Choices of the Young and... Odd.

So, yesterday I was leaving the Alexandria Rd Kroger, here in Lexington and Michael Jackson drove by. I stood in the middle of the parking lot and watched him go in a crappy, mid-nineties something or other in his fedora and aviators. True story.
Ten minutes later, I saw him walk out of a gas station near Lafayette High School, get into the back of a mini-van and shut the sliding door. Only this time he had boobs.
This morning I drove my kids to school and there he was again, waiting at the bus stop down the street. He had considerably more pudge in the midsection, and it looked like someone had forcibly removed the hatband from his dented fedora, but it was him all the same.

I'd know him anywhere by those mirrored shades.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Everybody's doing it.

According to recent research, everybody on the planet is blogging, now including me. I realized how behind the 8ball I was when perusing FB one day. A guy I'd known in college - a guy who to my knowledge rarely uttered more than two syllables together - had a blog. Still waters run deep? Jaw wired shut? Who knows, but here I am.